Wtf people

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Wtf people

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True hero. Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?

I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere".

FML I agree, your life sucks Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him.

He just laughed. Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side.

She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly. Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex.

When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious.

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was.

I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man.

He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis.

He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car.

I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough.

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder.

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out.

He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy".

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold.

Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped.

I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb.

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan.

Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga.

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch.

The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn.

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it.

I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson.

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark.

This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago.

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg.

A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat.

He responded by flipping us off. Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me.

When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words. Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant.

Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? Hostess no good for you.

We leave that to the pretty girls. Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me.

There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left.

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD.

Today, they played Nickelback at our school dance. Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids.

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Wtf People Video

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Wtf People Video

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